Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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