Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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