How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
