And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
