hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
