i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We left the knife in your bed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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