I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
