she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Randomize
