Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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