We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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