I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize