I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
