Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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