my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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