We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
