why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
