i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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