The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
