I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
