this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
