i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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