umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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