Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
