D3 body, D1 cock
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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