so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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