i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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