I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
