dude i'm inner monologue high
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
