if only i could text you this smell
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
