If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
