but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
