I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
