i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
