i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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