Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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