epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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