In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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