I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
