how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
