So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
