why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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