my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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