Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
