fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i've created a new STD.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
