other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
