At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
