The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
