Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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