just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
