First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
