wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
