Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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