I think I am morally bankrupt
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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