The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
