He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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