You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
