I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
