He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
