JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
