thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
