i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
