you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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