At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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