I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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