you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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