After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sext me about skeletons
I'm like, not good at living.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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