i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
