I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
