The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
