Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
