M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
