Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
