just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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