I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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